One day, however — trust me on this — the will to live fully again, and even experience companionship, will arise. It’s hard to throw yourself back in the dating game after 30, 40 years or more.But the pointers I offer below can help ease your pre-game jitters.
So when I became a widow at the age of 48, I was unprepared.
I met my husband in my 20s — and my heart still felt that old.
It’s better to know what to look for and bail out early then waste years of your life with a widower who’s not ready to make you the center of his universe.
It’s not easy for a widower to let friends and family know there’s a new woman in his life – especially when many of them are still grieving over the late wife’s passing.
It is a terrible feeling to know that you no longer have a loved one to be concerned about you.
So my question to you is why you would want to continue to maintain a lonely lifestyle when there are people out there in the world who could bring you great joy and happiness? And if life is short, should we not try to seek out as much happiness and joy as possible? I just want you to consider the possibility that you can love again.
Over the last few years I've received hundreds of emails from women dating widowers.
From them I’ve noticed some patterns of behavior that indicate the widower isn’t ready for a serious relationship and just using the woman to temporarily fill the void created by the death of his late wife.
The question comes up a lot among widowed and those who are interested in dating them – how soon after the death of a spouse is it considered appropriate to begin dating/or pursuing? Other widowed people like to trot out the tired cliché – It’s such a circular and unhelpful answer that I’d like to ban the phrase from the grief lexicon because given the minefield of rules and expectations surrounding widowhood, asking is the only way to clarify whether the signals you are receiving from your peers, family and friends are about your welfare or their self-interest. Scarlett knew the rules on widowed decorum because society at that time spelled it out. It may have sucked, but everyone was clear on the time frame and waited (while perhaps discreetly lining up suitors for once the deadline had passed). Younger widowed date and remarry sooner, and at higher rates, than older ones.
Attempted to look resolute and somber, smiling wanly as you sat out your “black-shirted” year on the wallflower bench. Whereas the newly broken up or divorced are free to take the field again as soon as they like, the widowed must navigate religious, family and community rules on the subject, and they vary. But, having children or not, being younger or older and your general state of resiliency in the face of tragedy plays into this as well.
I signed up for wasn’t a good format fit for me, and I abandoned the effort after a few weeks and only meeting a police officer who looked like Lurch with a bad comb-over.