There are tons of Christian men out there that I would have been miserable marrying. At the same time, when you’re constantly trying to put every man you meet through your “husband filter,” it destroys your chances of figuring out if you actually like that person.
Because what I have tragically found is that Christian singles hit an area of desperation, particularly young women, and they will go: “Yeah, he is a Christian, he comes to church.” And really what they’re saying is this guy comes to church a couple of times a month, but outside of attending a service, he doesn’t have a real seriousness about growing in his understanding of the Lord, growing in his understanding of the Bible, being a prayerful person, no vivication or mortification that can be spotted, and no one who really knows them enough to speak to the growth in their character.
Now practically speaking, this means singles are seeking out people to speak into their lives.
Straying away from that call (which could mean taking control, impatiently initiating yourself, etc.) can mislead, confuse or awaken love too soon.
Single, divorcee/34 years old (But that doesn’t define me!
I started writing the answer to this post and before I could type a word, realized I had no idea what the answer was.
So I polled women I knew and respected of various marital statuses.
Most of us ladies have had our dream wedding and everything about it planned out since we were six — including the groom, the ring (a tasteful two-carat, emerald-cut diamond set in platinum, thank you!
), the starlit evening, and the honeymoon in Spain.
If you are dating someone who doesn’t have a personal relationship with Christ, you are playing with fire. Don’t let the relationship progress to a physical point and then hope you can cut it off later. You need all the help you can get in today’s world. Do you depend on Him to meet your needs of love and security?
If you can’t stand the person but have a great physical relationship, rethink the relationship. If one person is uncomfortable with any type of physical expression, don’t do it. Don’t push a date to do anything that makes him/her feel uncomfortable.
To help find the right questions, we called on three not-yet-married friends who gave some time to thinking about the challenges faced by singles: Lore Ferguson, Paul Maxwell, and the recently engaged Marshall Segal.