Twenty years ago, a psychologist called Arthur Aron compiled 36 questions, with which he was going to make two strangers fall in love with each other.
In a laboratory; so not the most romantic of locations. He brought a heterosexual man and woman together, sitting face to face while answering a series of 36 increasingly personal questions, divided up into three sets. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say?
In order to build the foundation for a relationship, you need to create a meaningful connection, and this comes when you truly connect with who the other person is.
A little while back, I discovered this site called Thought Questions and I started keeping a list of some of my favorites.
It seems impractical to sit around a foreign place and wait a few days in-between dates!
Before two people even consider beginning a long-distance courtship, we recommend that they clarify two points.
Their challenge was to answer the questions openly and honestly, and then stare into each other's eyes in silence for four minutes.
And funnily enough - SPOILER - it worked on her, too. Well it's these 36 questions, followed by four minutes of intense silent staring into each others' eyes, to put it plainly:1.
The first is that each of them is dating for the purpose of marriage, and the reason they are dating each other is to see if they will be able to develop a relationship that will ultimately lead to marriage.
The next point to clarify is that one of the parties (and it doesn't matter which one) is willing to relocate if the two of them decide to marry. You've coordinated your schedules, purchased the airline ticket, and arranged for accommodations once you arrive in your date's home city. Plan to intersperse dates with activities you will do on your own.
In previous columns you've mentioned the idea of giving one another space during the dating process. Hank With relatively inexpensive air fares and even cheaper long-distance telephone rates (not to mention the blessings of e-mail), it is now easier than ever to negotiate a long distance courtship.
You recommend one date for 2 or 3 hours and then not another one for several days, and I've followed that advice. However, anyone considering long-distance dating should be aware of the inherent problems in dating a G. ("geographic undesirable") and how to avoid those problems.
When my husband and I were still dating, I pulled up the list one night and suggested we play the “questions game.” We also mixed it up by seeing if we could guess what the other person would answer.